For a long time I didn't want to have children because I thought I wouldn't make a good mom. My biggest fear was since I couldn't raise a dog properly, how was I going to raise a child that wouldn't go crazy as a teenager and do drugs and all that.
Then as the years progressed I fell into "if I get pregnant fine, I'll have a kid, if not, that's fine too" mentality. Mind you, I've been with the same man since I was 21 so this was not about "let's have unprotected sex with random guys". But I never did get off the pill until I was I believe 31. Well, to make a long story short, it took us 6 years to finally get a child. And believe me I've done some research on parenting in the meantime.
I had a great childhood. I always thought that. But it took me until now that I have my own child and see how they communicate with him to see what all went wrong. We live together, my parents and us, so their influence on my child is daily and profound. I don't hold back when I see them saying or doing something to my child that I don't agree with. And it has gotten me into some fights with my parents. I've seen a side of my parents that I never saw before. It was heartbreaking. I never in a million years ever thought I would have these kinds of fights with my parents. It's like I never really knew them. I mean, I was always a good girl and didn't really fight with my parents growing up. We disagreed and raised our voices but never really had a fight the kind we have now.
It's not about them spoiling him. That's what grandparents are for, right?! I do it, too. But I told them from the very beginning, if they're going to spoil him with certain actions, they can't hold it against him later on when he grows up and starts demanding the same actions that you don't particularly like doing anymore. That's what I object. Don't make him expect something from you then scold him for it when he wants it.
I let my kid cry. I let my kid be angry. I let him express emotion the best he knows how. So I don't appreciate when my parents start distracting him with stuff so he would stop expressing himself. That's how they handled me and I suppressed everything. I know they have his best interest in mind. I know they're not doing it on purpose. But I don't agree with it and when I tell them to approach the situation differently, it falls on deaf ears.
I see them project their own beliefs/traumas on him. Especially my father. My father is disabled and in a wheelchair. He has a lot of health issues. And he projects his own discomfort onto my child.
My mom on the other hand doesn't know how to say no and lets the kid get away with everything. So when he protests because she doesn't want him to do something, she lies to him. And I'm like, stop lying to him. Sit him down, tell him no, explain the consequences. Kids understand. He'll cry a little but he'll get over it.
The biggest issue here is that talking to them doesn't bear fruit. They're set in their ways and see nothing wrong. And when I tell them what they're doing is wrong, they see me as a teenage brat that doesn't know what she's talking about. That's what pisses me off. I don't want them causing him the same traumas they did to me.
I won't even start on the vegetarian issue. The stuff that comes out of their mouths and mom sneaking behind my back?! Never in my life I thought my parents would act this way. It's like they're strangers.
Linking to Paint Party Friday.
Self-study classes: Cotton Candy Girls & Crazy Hair Ladies