Friday, November 25, 2016

Puple hair

I had a rant in my mind but then thought better of it. It would be wrong to write about all the stuff my parents do that I don't agree with so I left it without being too specific.

For a long time I didn't want to have children because I thought I wouldn't make a good mom. My biggest fear was since I couldn't raise a dog properly, how was I going to raise a child that wouldn't go crazy as a teenager and do drugs and all that.

Then as the years progressed I fell into "if I get pregnant fine, I'll  have a kid,  if not, that's fine too" mentality. Mind you, I've been with the same man since I was 21 so this was not about "let's have unprotected sex with random guys". But I never did get off the pill until I was I believe 31. Well, to make a long story short, it took us 6 years to finally get a child. And believe me I've done some research on parenting in the meantime.
I have a certain idea of how to raise my child and it clashes with my parents' idea on parenting. I get all that they're grandparents but they're pretty much acting the same way when they were raising me. And it triggers me. Big time. I see the connections between my childhood traumas and their words/actions. And I don't want my child to be the way I was.

I had a great childhood. I always thought that. But it took me until now that I have my own child and see how they communicate with him to see what all went wrong. We live together, my parents and us, so their influence on my child is daily and profound. I don't hold back when I see them saying or doing something to my child that I don't agree with. And it has gotten me into some fights with my parents. I've seen a side of my parents that I never saw before. It was heartbreaking. I never in a million years ever thought I would have these kinds of fights with my parents. It's like I never really knew them. I mean, I was always a good girl and didn't really fight with my parents growing up. We disagreed and raised our voices but never really had a fight the kind we have now.

It's not about them spoiling him. That's what grandparents are for, right?! I do it, too. But I told them from the very beginning, if they're going to spoil him with certain actions, they can't hold it against him later on when he grows up and starts demanding the same actions that you don't particularly like doing anymore. That's what I object. Don't make him expect something from you then scold him for it when he wants it.

I let my kid cry. I let my kid be angry. I let him express emotion the best he knows how. So I don't appreciate when my parents start distracting him with stuff so he would stop expressing himself. That's how they handled me and I suppressed everything. I know they have his best interest in mind. I know they're not doing it on purpose. But I don't agree with it and when I tell them to approach the situation differently, it falls on deaf ears.

I see them project their own beliefs/traumas on him. Especially my father. My father is disabled and in a wheelchair. He has a lot of health issues. And he projects his own discomfort onto my child.


My mom on the other hand doesn't know how to say no and lets the kid get away with everything. So when he protests because she doesn't want him to do something, she lies to him. And I'm like, stop lying to him. Sit him down, tell him no, explain the consequences. Kids understand. He'll cry a little but he'll get over it.

The biggest issue here is that talking to them doesn't bear fruit. They're set in their ways and see nothing wrong. And when I tell them what they're doing is wrong, they see me as a teenage brat that doesn't know what she's talking about. That's what pisses me off. I don't want them causing him the same traumas they did to me.

I won't even start on the vegetarian issue. The stuff that comes out of their mouths and mom sneaking behind my back?! Never in my life I thought my parents would act this way. It's like they're strangers.

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Gypsy Moley

Remember when I told you about the Moley journals? Well, here's my first spread in LucyMc's Moley on the theme Bohemian- Gypsy.

I added a quote by Michelle Rose Gilman that says: "She had a gypsy soul and a warrior spirit... and she was glorious."

Don't know if you noticed but I deleted all pictures of my kid here and on my FB. The thing is, I'm not one of those people that believes in the privacy of their kids by not posting their pictures, nor am I paranoid they'll be kidnapped or something. It's a personal choice and I'm fine with it either way. I have family all over the world and I want to share my life with them in this way.

But this summer someone I had a business transaction with mentioned the second time we met that they saw on my FB that I had pets and blah, blah. Because only those pics are set public, everything else is friends only.

Nevertheless it bugged the hell out of me because what the actual f*ck are you doing snooping around the internet about me? Because all they had was my e-mail and of course my name. Ok, if I had my FB page somewhere they could just click and check out I would understand the curiosity but they had to go google my name and find my FB for no reason at all because I was the one buying a service from them and there was no reason for them to be checking me out. Even if they found this blog and for some reason assumed I was the same person, they would only get my FB art page and not my personal FB.

I tried to ignore this feeling for a while but it wouldn't go away. So I just decided that I'm going to delete all pictures of my kid on the internet to ease my mind.

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Friday, November 18, 2016

Tim Burton characters

I made this cards for a Tim Burton swap.

In other news:
  • I have a cold. It appears we're just passing it around in our household for the past 3 weeks. One of us gets better for a couple of days and then gets a runny nose and a cough again. It's just annoying.
  • I fell down the stairs. It was such a surreal moment. Usually you realize when you're about to fall and try to catch yourself. But I was like hitting my butt on the stairs and wondering what is happening. I felt the pain but I couldn't quite phantom what happened. It's like I wasn't present in the situation. I'm ok apart from pain in my butt and my neck because you know how you sometimes stiffen when you fall, yes that's what I did. 
  • I might have hit my kidneys when I fell because yesterday I had to pee so badly when we we're driving home that my hubby had to pull over in the forest because I wouldn't make it home on time. That hasn't happened to me in decades. TMI? :) There was a blackberry bush poking me in my legs and trying to pull my hair out.
  • Things are going up in smoke around me. I was driving my parent's car that is automatic and has this button for an emergency brake. I stopped on a hill and when I tried to drive again the brake wouldn't give and something started smelling real bad. I still don't know what happened but it can't be good when you start smelling something burning. 
  • The other thing going up in smoke is my hairdryer. I tried to blow dry my hair and it started smoking. I don't have a spare one so I need to go out and buy one.
  • I have a new, bigger computer desk and a new monitor. I still had one of those old, boxy ones. I had it because cats would nap on top of it because it was warm. But there was no room for it on the new desk because it has a separate narrower shelve for it and it hardly fit on it. So, cats had to deal with disappointment. Now they nap on my desk because there's so much space that wasn't there before.
  • I saw this awesome kid bed in a shape of a firetruck but I'm not sure when to move the kid to a big kid bed. He's now 21 month old and still sleeps in his baby crib. He needs to be fenced in because he moves so much in his sleep that he ends up in different corners each time. Not to mention that one time he was sleeping next to me while hubby wasn't there and he fell off the bed in the middle of the night. We bought that bed safety rail thingy the next day.

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Friday, November 11, 2016

Halloween Lydia

I figured I quickly show the Halloween cards before Holiday cards kick in. :) Last week was hard in our household. The kid got a fever and an ear ache and he's been down the whole week. And then on early Sunday morning my dad had a gallbladder attack and had to be taken to ER. Everyone is ok now and thankfully the weather calmed down a bit so I could take the kid out again since he's been acting out while cooped up inside the whole time. Last week it's been raining and the wind blew way too hard for my comfort. This week we had our first snowfall but a few sunny days as well.

Round Robin is a set of 3 ATC cards that are worked on by 3 artists. The first player starts the set with a certain theme, the 2nd player adds to it and the 3rd player finishes it. Then each gets to keep one card for their collection.

MissM started this one with pumpkin on the wall, I added Lydia and Tandy finished it with the background. I forgot to scan the cards when I got them from MissM so I don't have a pic of just her starter set.

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Friday, November 4, 2016

#inktober day 26-31

These are the last of inktober for this year. Rules were, you make an ink drawing each day the whole October and post it online with #inktober and #inktober2016. I posted on my FB page every day and here's the last Friday recap.

I told you about the PAT swap last week. This is the second group I entered and that's why I colored them as well.
The below one is actually a Moley spread. Go HERE to see what's it all about. :) This is the October spread which means I didn't get to show you September one since Inktober took all the blog space. I'll show it to you another time. Nicky chose the theme for this one and it's Music. I forgot to scan it before I colored it.

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